I Just Need To Take This

Imagine the scene: you are happily sharing a meal with friends or family (whom perhaps you have not seen in a while) when suddenly one of the participants jumps up with their phone in hand, mumbling, “Sorry, I just have to take this?” Another possible situation: you are about to begin a group or team meeting at the office (perhaps it was a tough one to schedule) and as your colleagues arrive, several of them immediately place their phones right in front of them—some devices facing up, some down. In any variation of this theme, when a phone rings or vibrates, the owner not only moves quickly to answer the call, they frequently begin the conversation before they have left the scene.

Aghast, you somehow feel that this person’s attention was not where you wanted it to be. Awkward, you wonder if the call really was that important. Ashamed, you question your ability to be empathetic, assuming the call was urgent and needed to take precedence over the meal or the meeting. However you feel (or used to feel back when these habits first appeared), the session, for friends or family, or a group of problem-solving workmates, has been interrupted, and somehow there is a feeling of loss or rupture as someone makes that phone call their priority.

Yes, I am speaking about phone etiquette, and more specifically I am reluctantly accepting that the phone has moved to the top of the communications pyramid, trumping everything else. Might we try to understand more about what’s going on here and are there possibilities of managing the situation to create a more beneficial and productive effect?

According to the U.S. edition of the 2018 Global Mobile Consumer Survey from Deloitte, American consumers check their smartphones an average of 52 times every day, or over 3 times every waking hour. That number is significantly higher for cell phone users between the ages of 18 and 34, who check their phones over 100 times a day. And this article was published in 2018! Obviously the numbers alone support the premise that the phone wins out. Clearly we have to grapple with these numbers and the precedence that the phone takes in our lives, but does that also mean that we have to deal with disrespect, lack of focus and poor multi-tasking in all parts of our world?

“I just need to take this…” is usually spoken in mixed tones of serious-compelling-special-important-possibly life-threatening. If we break it down a bit: the “I” is the special individual who is indicating that whatever we are talking about live is less important to them than what the phone offers. “Just” somehow implies it won’t take long, that your meal/ meeting discussion will hardly be interrupted. And then there’s “need,” perhaps the key and most revealing word in the whole statement. Need equals a dire necessity—there is simply nothing else to be done here: I must take this call. “Take this” is usually spoken as they get up, go to the edge of the area, or leave the space. Then those of us who are left ponder the following: Is everything OK? Did the meeting convener know this might happen (was given a warning?) Then there is the return of the call-taker. Do they say anything? Apologize? Tell you it was the hospital and their mother is OK? Say, oh, it was my hairdresser; I have been waiting for a cancellation to get my hair cut before Saturday?

Much of the research on phone use in meetings at work describes generational differences at the office; meembers of Gen Y and Z, while perhaps leading the use of mobile devices, are also more likely to help older colleagues become more comfortable with using technology, so while we (I am a Boomer) blame them, that is not helpful! Multi-generational workplaces are vital to creating healthy, creative and productive environments. Can we rather find common ground among the generations that goes beyond good etiquette and provides more of a shared and thoughtful way to come together?

Essentially my concern about the behavior I am describing, relates to the fact that our ability to communicate and connect authentically as humans has been so deeply eroded. We all lean towards multi-taking; much of the stress we experience at work and at home comes from balancing too much. Can we perhaps at least come to some agreement about being present, engaging actively, and what that might look and feel like for each of us?

Obviously, when someone is dealing with a crisis, they may have to step away from the gathering (and the colleagues will trust that they told the meeting convener ahead of time). Clearly, we all want to trust the person stepping away, trust that they have a good reason—and hope there will be no unnecessary drama!

Schools everywhere at present struggle to manage phones in the classrooms and try to ensure that the students’ attention is on the topic at hand; might we as adults in our work lives each determine what it means to be present fully—or as fully as we can be given what might be going on in our lives. How about we commit to the “live” moment: be in the present, know what that looks like for you and do your best to make the personal devices secondary when you are with others in shared time. and of course, silence the ringer and keep the phone off the table!

ADDITIONAL BLOGS THAT COULD BE OF INTEREST

Words of Wisdom

I Just Need To Take This

What is Worth Learning?

Learning is at the center of my universe. I believe deeply in the value of education, and I wake up in the morning excited to learn what’s happened during my sleeping hours. I regularly absorb curated sources: blogs, on-line publications of all sorts, podcasts; you name it, I take it in. I’m a learning junkie. So, even questioning the value of learning tears at my heart.

But I have many coaching and organizational clients who want my advice on learning and development issues. Individuals seek my input on whether or not, for example, they should go back to school to further their careers. Organizations too are often looking for counsel on training curricula and employee development programs. As discomfiting as it may feel to question a value I hold so personally dear, in my professional role I want to assess the benefit of all kinds of learning in today’s work world.

Learning on the Job

Recently as I was collecting my thoughts in preparation for our quinquennial Words of Wisdom, I realized how important to us at SmarterWisdom the concept of learning on the job is. It is kind of core to our work that the people we work with want to get better, learn more and be good and helpful mentors to their team members. Creating a feedback-feedforward culture means that you are harnessing the idea of a growth mindset, and that what you expect of others is important to you too. So how might learning on the job become an integral value in your workplace and a robust part of your culture? Might there be additional ways for you to promote it?

Five Years of [Smarter] Wisdom

It’s extremely hard to believe that 5 years have passed since we founded SmarterWisdom Consulting. As we celebrate our quinquennial, we have been discussing whether or not we became any wiser over the time period. And by “we” we are certainly referring to Jane and Marcie! We thought the best way to assess our possible increased sageness was through taking a close look at the now 72 posts, our Words of Wisdom, that have appeared online since our founding, and in doing so, understand more about how our work together has continued to place us on a path of learning.

The BHAG Revisited

When Jim Collins’ book Good to Great was published back in 2001 the term “BHAG” was on the lips of every leadership consultant or CEO. Going for that Big Hairy Audacious Goal was what you needed to be doing if you wanted to drive success through clear vision and direction. Fast forward to 2024, and we are now suggesting something a bit different. No one is saying that you shouldn’t have a big stretch goal, but we’ve learned a few things about getting to the top of a large mountain on a different planet. Specifically, both research and experience tell us to start small.

Dealing With Dilemmas

When I was a head of school, it was quite common for members of my Board of Trustees, usually at an annual conversation about how things were going, to ask me: “What keeps you up at night?” When I moved into my current role as a leadership coach/thought partner, I found that I too began to use this question quite consistently. What are those nagging thoughts that re-visit us, usually as we try to drop off to sleep, or in those hateful hours when we simply cannot get back to our desired rest.

The quandaries that show up in our minds at these times, and others, are frequently puzzles where all possible solutions offer some kind of downside. In addition, they are issues that simply won’t go away, neither night nor day and in fact, we are driven to find a way forward. The word dilemma comes from the Greek word dilēmma, and the combination of the words di- meaning "twice" and lēmma meaning "premise" seems to scream interminable difficulty! In fact, the word dilemma was originally a technical term in logic that referred to a type of argument where a choice had to be made between two equally unfavorable options.

Back to the Future: Building Competitive Advantage

Over 20 years ago I co-authored a book focused on how organizations could re-envision diversity as a competitive advantage. Fast forward to 2024 and I realize I did not anticipate how the DEI effort would look in 2024. The need, when my colleagues and I penned the book, for an enlightened perspective on the value-add of equity in the workplace (not to mention the ethical impetus to address this issue) seemed both clear and compelling, as it well remains. As I look back and gaze forward with some hope that the competitive advantage might still emerge, with focus and intentionality, I plan to hold on to that brighter outlook from two decades ago. Because I envisioned that the dominos in the workplace were lined up neatly and the first ones were falling, I anticipated that the next stage of the initiative would pick up momentum and make major inroads through the tangle of debris wrought by lack of systemic efforts and change during the centuries of racism, sexism and homophobia that had interwoven irrevocably within our country. In my mental model of achieving equity at work, at least in recent decades and during the Civil Rights movement, the arrow of social justice had been launched, and it seemed as if our aim was true and our intended bulls-eye was within reach. In retrospect, and sadly, I was naive and lacked accurate foresight.

Deliberately Growing Up

Those of you who read our posts regularly know that we at SmarterWisdom are quite obsessed by several general approaches to leadership development. Themes and thoughts about self-awareness, intentional thinking and action, growth mindset and (Marcie’s favorite) letting the structure do the heavy lifting, are just a few that run through our writings, just as they percolate through our thinking. Many of these approaches that we care about help to form the framework of our work with the individuals and teams with whom we spend our time. Many of them even come together and align to create a structure that we can overtly share with people in an explicit form.

Which One?

Deciding on your dessert at a lovely evening out with friends can be hard. Is it the lemon mousse with white and dark chocolate? The strawberry shortcake? Tarte Tatin? Blackberry or peach sorbet? OK, you might make a choice you regret, or it just may not arrive and look or taste as you expected, but seriously this is not a complex decision: you won’t let anyone down, you can’t really make a bad decision here. Your dessert decision is simply a matter of choice, your choice alone. According to some scientific research, adults make around 35,000 conscious decisions every day, while others estimate that number to be as high as 350,000. Deciding on the initial path to take ,and the nature of the decision, whether it be a simple choice of sweet, or more, is definitely a huge part of our lives as leaders.

Some Leaders Are Born Women

Examples of women, who are at the height of their careers and those on the fast track to getting there, offer support for the notion that indeed other women should be following this path. From Beyoncé to Oprah to Taylor Swift, women entertainers are taking names and taking charge. No longer simply the pretty faces of success, these women are smart business people who followed their insight and their guts as they saw inside their industry and ensured that they reinvented what it could be for themselves. Oprah became a mega-performer and international figure; Beyoncé became a Harvard Business School case study and Taylor Swift has not shied away from taking on the behemoths of the music industry, from Spotify to Live Nation. Each has stuck her neck out to go a different way, straying from the path most taken, and carved out the way that brought her the time, clout and, yes, financial reward, she was seeking. They are each reinventing what it means to be living their own high-powered career by redefining what that is, and by taking on established power as they do so. By seeking to control the narrative and be in control of their actions and approach, their courage and smarts are setting the bar high and at a new level for all.

Hijacked!

I work with many school leaders. These leaders tend to be open-minded, consensus-oriented people and the schools they lead believe in the benefit of creating forums for discussion with and among employees. The idea that open discussion will nurture an engaged group of workers is a good one, especially during current times when employment engagement is at an all-time low. Freedom to ask questions of others, especially those who supervise programs and departments, in a group setting, encourages trust, develops leaders and allows group process that generates ideas that in turn can solve problems. Arguably, the existence of a place to speak up, to use your voice to improve the place you work, is vital to a successful organization of any kind.

The Existence of the Soul

Recently with my friend and colleague Julie Faulstich, of Stonycreek Strategy, I led a group of senior women administrators from independent schools in a yearlong seminar called: Female Leadership, Finding your Authentic Authority. We enjoyed deep and wide-ranging conversations; we unraveled dilemmas and we discussed the potential isolation of perhaps being the only one in the role of dean, assistant head, or division head, that is a middle manager and reporting to the head of school. Being in the middle in any kind of organization, is not always easy and the work these middle managers do frequently goes unnoticed—and yet without that work, the organization would suffer. So here’s SmarterWisdom’s tribute to the ones in the middle—to their very existence, and, even more perhaps: to our paying more attention to what they do and how important it is.

An All-Around Good Idea

n efforts to ensure that leaders at all levels receive helpful feedback, supervisors and trustees frequently look to the power of the 360 review. This is a process designed to elicit developmental feedback from a range of sources 360 degrees around the participant, with the goal of delivering honest and authentic data about a leader’s work from multiple perspectives; this approach closely reflects the actual up, down and sideways working relationships that characterize how most employees actually work today.

No Really, Look Before You Leap

In all situations, organizations devote time and energy to selecting board members for a very good reason: the quality of the outcomes of the board’s efforts will, of course, be greatly influenced by the quality of the individuals it selects. By ensuring that a structure of orientation, on-boarding and time for input and reflection is in place, the potential of each board member chosen can shine. For both the new trustee and the board their mutual effort and forethought might actually mean the fulfillment of the promise that made the match in the first place.

How an enterprise identifies what it needs in its board members may be tightly defined by its rules of governance or by the match between open board assignments and candidates’ areas of competence, but in many smaller, newer or less formal settings, driving forces include less well-documented considerations including its priorities at a given point in time, an individual’s visibility and degree of influence and access, who else is already serving and the preferences of the organization’s chief executive. In some boards, particularly not-for-profits, the ability to contribute financially and help the enterprise raise funds from others is also a key qualification.

Blank Space (2023)

If popular slang or culture is a way of understanding the ethos of our times then Rizz, Swiftie, de-influencing, beige flag, parasocial and situationship need to become part of our lexicon. These words give us a view into the lives of Millennials and Gen Z’ers (born 1996-2012) and a picture of 2023. Without question they seem to be a set of words that clusters around holding back from commitment versus a couple at the other end of the spectrum where they reflect a kind of signaling to identify as part of a team of followers or admirers. This dichotomy is in part a result of the isolation of the pandemic period. We know that many people, having learned to cope with the lack of in-person human connection during the worst of the virus, reported finding it difficult to resume a pre-pandemic level of social contact.

Crisis, What Crisis?

During my 20+ years of leadership at independent schools, I definitely faced the full range of crises that might beset small schools. I learned a lot about being both somewhat prepared for these exigent events, and also about being totally unprepared and yet somehow able to invoke the necessary actions and skills to get things on the level again. Initially, and in much of my early experience of these big bumps in the road, I tended to think that crisis was always something like a chemical spill on Route 128 very close to the school. Over the years, however, I learned, and internalized, that a crisis could develop from any event or incident that might adversely affect the mission of the school, if left unattended.

Up In The Air

The silver lining to the pandemic’s very dark cloud is that many of us successfully learned to face new threats, see new opportunities (sourdough bread, anyone?) and understand our world in a different way. As a result, even the change-averse among us learned that we can successfully change at least a selected set of our behaviors. Now that the world has rebounded in many areas and shifted to permanent changes in others, it is worthwhile to review our current choices in light of the present-day context. If we don’t identify and articulate our changed work-related behaviors, we are not optimizing our ability to adjust and adapt.

Lessons from Los Alamos

It is by no accident that Christopher Nolan chose to make his latest film, Oppenheimer, about the 1940s and early 1950s, the building and use of the atomic bomb and the life and times of J. Robert Oppenheimer. The book on which Nolan based the movie, American Prometheus by Bird and Sherwin, tells the story not just of the brilliant young scientist, but also of the times in which he lived, the background of the second Red Scare, the undercurrent of anti-Semitism and the way in which one brilliant man was ultimately brought down by the establishment. The parallels for our times are clear. We may not be living with those exact issues, but we are living with the fear of global conflicts, the potential effects of climate change and the fear of failing economies and increased poverty. Watching the movie, and reading the book, inspired me to consider the possibility of lessons for our times, and more specifically, to ponder the perennial and necessary leadership traits illustrated firmly in black-and-white and glorious technicolor.

Welcome Change

Change isn’t easy for some of us; we resist and worry and wonder. While for others it is in their DNA and they cannot wait for the next moment to shift gears. Change, however, typically signifies growth and without growth we run the risk of stagnation. Wherever you are on the REMAIN/ CHANGE spectrum, the fact is that change is constant. Whether you are an easy adopter of change, or whether you tend to avoid change, learning how to predict change, harness change and live a change friendly life, will help you avoid stress and mental anguish and basically make you a better member of your team.

Leading Yourself

Your personal drive or decision even to care about leading yourself is a key first step of self-knowledge. Is the desire to lead myself within me? Do I want to do this? Leading ourselves is the element of our approach to our work where we think and act explicitly in order to become better at what we do. It explains who we are, where we want to go and why we want to go there. It helps us understand what we might accomplish in our work. Ideally it might also help us control our emotions and behavior, since it brings focus and ideally razor-sharp vision to our work. SmarterWisdom sees its work with emerging leaders as helping them to access this deeper knowledge of their intrinsic motivation. Some leaders however struggle to understand the importance of further analyzing and capitalizing on their drive as part of leading themselves.

Gifts of Time and Place

One of the oft-cited reasons for return-to-work resistance is the time and effort of commuting, which, for many employees, constitutes their least favorite part of their work week. After having worked from home, the daily stress of racing for a train, waiting for a bus, or sitting in backed-up traffic strikes a lot of workers as a foolish use of their resources, which are, after all, finite. Whether it is the cost to their wellbeing of stress-triggered cortisol coursing through their bodies as they rush to get dressed, grab a bite or swig a quick cup of coffee, and get themselves (and anyone else for whom they are responsible) out the door, or making the return trip, conducted after a full day of labor, through the crowds and the traffic, many employees report the sense of watching the sands of their precious time running through the hourglass twice each day. They know the commuting routine consumes valuable time and generates a daily level of unwanted, unhealthy stress.

But Does It Bring You Joy?

Several years ago Marie Kondo’s approach to helping us clean up our lives took hold. A key part of her “cleaning up” approach (see Konmari.com), was to hold up a household item or article of clothing and ask does it “spark joy.” During the last year or so, in particular, many people have been asking this question about the work they do: are they in a role that they like, one that is satisfying to them. We have seen various responses to these questions, from people working less and placing family and their own well-being first, to the great resignation. Does your job bring you joy? If you could hold up what you do for a living in front of you, following the Marie Kondo approach, would it make you happy? SmarterWisdom thinks that this is a question worth asking and in a way that is constructive and active rather than passive.

Know Thyself

Self-awareness is certainly a key element in being effective at your work. What is tough about tackling self-awareness, however, is that it is rarely identified by the person being mentored as an area of challenge: understanding one's level of self-awareness is inherently difficult, since it is obviously dependent on the level of self-awareness you possess in the first place. The ability to know yourself and to know how you are viewed by others is key for success. The internal and external mirrors that exist within and outside of us needs to be activated, made shiny and clear, and available at all times in order for any kind of growth and personal development to take place.

Kindness Matters

When I see frequent references to a concept or topic suddenly appearing all over social media or hear a term popping up everywhere in presentations or interviews, I always perk up and register the phenomenon: it makes me want to wonder out loud if there is a need out there somewhere to grapple with this particular issue. Recently, the concept of kindness seems to be the new “it” idea, poking up everywhere I look—from business articles asking the boss to be more compassionate when assigning large projects, to my doctor’s office where I encountered waiting rooms plastered with (mostly handmade) signs and posters urging people to be kind. As I consider what seems to be a rising wave of interest in decency and warmth, I find myself curious about whether or not we just want to talk about it or perhaps act on it?

Working Friendships

By the latter stages of the pandemic, when many of us had been working from home for close to a year, we ached for more connection. We missed the ready-made interactions in the office and the various low-key ways we tried to see friends and families during our free time. Perhaps this renewed attention to significant others in our lives was partly because we had to decide actively, and with intention, to cultivate and find these moments. We thought about our friends, missed them terribly and reached out frequently over the video waves in order to feel connected at a time of great loss. Without the ease of existing relationships, in pretty much most aspects of our lives during the height of Covid, we felt bereft and at sea; we perceived that something was lost and unavailable.

Inner Wisdom Revisited: Jacinda Ardern's Resignation

In February 2020, SmarterWisdom posted Inner Wisdom Personified: Jacinda Ardern, about New Zealand’s Prime Minister, who was elected in 2017, aged 37. Last week, upon the news of Ardern’s decision not to seek reelection, I thought about the words she used in her resignation speech, that “[she] no longer had enough in the tank to do the job.” I wondered if Ardern’s brand of leadership required more in the tank than that of other leaders; I wondered if she felt she had any choice. In the 2/20 Words of Wisdom post, I argued that Ardern was a true servant leader, not someone seeking personal gain, rather someone leading selflessly in the interests of the country. Since we published that piece, which focused on the massacre in mosques in New Zealand in 2019, Ardern has dealt with the White Island volcanic eruption, and of course the Covid-19 pandemic. She has also experienced a myriad of personal threats, among them many that were seen as ageist and sexist. So while the message from our 2020 post stays the same, we are left with a lot to ponder in connection with Ardern’s decision and the loss to the world of this globally-minded leader.

The Liminal Landscape: 2022 Revisited

Summing up the past year in terms of themes, trends, new ideas and developments in the workplace proves not as straightforward in 2022 as we might have expected. In fact, SmarterWisdom believes that any new place at which we have arrived this year isn’t about content at all, but rather about state—state of being, state of understanding, state of wonder! It’s a position that perhaps we would benefit from paying close attention to, even though this moment—or space—is liminal. To be in a liminal space is “to be on the precipice of something new but not quite there yet.” A liminal space can be metaphorical, emotional or physical. And for many people, perhaps understandably, it’s an uncomfortable position.

Trust Your People

It seems there is a whole new movement in the for-profit world related to checking up on employees. As a certain sector of the workforce makes choices about at home, in-office or hybrid work, employers are investing in tracking and other software that monitors workers time-on-task. The concern that because we cannot see them working and therefore how do we know if they are, is driving employers to create a lack of trust, which surely will erode the mutual trust workers need to do their best work.

The Power of Influence

There is no doubt that the pandemic has pushed us all to the brink in many areas: the definitions of work, parenting, schooling, family and friend relationships and even grocery shopping have all changed. SmarterWisdom’s basic philosophy is that within us we have the solutions to many of our problems and that we can always capitalize and make the most of the situation at hand to learn how to approach difficult issues in different ways. In the same way that we faced the recent upheaval in our daily lives, there is little doubt that leaders who were able to access their highly developed soft (or power) skills have not only fared better themselves, but have ensured the success of their teams and workmates.

London Bridge Has Fallen

Somewhere on Twitter this past week, amidst all the tributes posted out of respect upon her death, I read that Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth II was “the first girl boss” (she became Queen at 25 over 70 years ago) and it made me think about what her tenure (she was the world’s longest-serving monarch) might teach us about organizations and leadership. “I cannot lead you into battle,” the Queen said in 1957. “I do not give you laws or administer justice, but I can do something else. I can give you my heart and my devotion to these old islands, and to all the peoples of our brotherhood of nations.”

In fact, it is perhaps easier to think of what kind of leader the Queen was not, rather than align her with a corporate title: not a chief executive officer, a president or a director. Given the length of her service and the ways in which she established the idea of monarchy in peacetime, she seems like more of a founding partner than CEO; and because of her work away from day-to-day operations, she is more like a board chair than senior manager. It is actually quite difficult to find a good analogy for the role of the Queen as a leader, and yet leader she was, as monarch and head of state.

Career success, Leadership, Team-building, Crisis management, Flexibility, High performance, Partnerships, EmpathyJane MouldingApril 15, 2025workingfromhome, Pandemic, Flexibility